It's always skewed towards the end.

It’s been a long two weeks. I can barely remember what happened prior to last week. I do remember being barely conscious because of two all-nighters in four days. Somehow, things are working out. As I write this, I’m sitting in my dorm room, not having eaten lunch or taken a bath. I’m taking a breather from last week’s punishment.

The semester is really drawing to a close. Just two final exams and two submissions left.

Until then, I’m staying in my dorm room.

—

I was reading a book by the front door

My hair tossed in the afternoon breeze

And the sun dappled on cold adobe floor

My feet dangling and my heart at ease

And the wind and silence made harmony

With the distant laughter from the rooms

And any moment now, I’m anticipating

The sharp footfalls that chased away the gloom

And all the days are rehearsed so blithely

Moments melting together in the warm light

No one could recall that ever so slightly

It’s the smallest moments that shone most bright

And as the sky dimmed with the song of the birds

Ruby light did glimmer on darkened walls, though

with each waking moment, there are no words

For how quaintly the mornings cast yellow walls aglow

With the passing of time, the shadows fall

and I walk the same halls all the more

Bathed in the fading sunlight, I clearly recall

that I was reading a book by the front door

I went to my morning class and immediately afterwards, I went with my groupmates Laurie and Abi to Taguig, where fabrication facility is willing to accommodate us.

In a nutshell, I got home at 4pm. I immediately unwound, but now I have to get moving because the proposals are due Monday, and I can’t keep my groupmates waiting just because I haven’t done my part.

On top of that, I feel warm and heavy. :(

If I finish my part today, hopefully I can rest tomorrow..

Done in twenty minutes or less. My sister Pao was asking for a quick poem, and I was happy to oblige, albeit it’s a little lousily done.

I was inspired by the image of the morning light, hence the first line stuck to me so badly.

I didn’t like the first stanza but it unraveled so quickly it just felt so wrong to put it away.

-

I woke up to the morning light

from dreams of long-past thunder

the vivid flashing of the lights

that tore the world asunder

I woke up to the morning light

it set my bed aglow

my eyes rivet to pure and bright

thus I saw but didn’t know

I woke up to the morning light

remains of rain on my skin

the air around me, the sound, the white

and showers of dew all in

I woke up to the morning light

and heard the birds in song

and then somehow I realized

in this world do I belong

-

July 5, 2010

I’ve been living like many college students have done – in the big city and far away from their homes and the warmth of their families. However, people normally have roommates, a relative or two, or even old friends to keep them company.

Granted, I do have one roommate here in my new dormitory (two supposedly, but Isa hardly shows up). Though at the moment, she’s in her home province celebrating her uncle’s wedding.

I won’t say I’m a loner, but college and my own personality haven’t given me an opportunity to have good friends – the kind of friends whose place you stay over or hang out with with after class. The kind of friends you take pictures with in parties and post of Facebook and laugh at the silly moments. The kind of friends you schedule movie dates and have are at ease with.

But then, that sort of definition is biased. To be honest, I don’t have that sort of circle simply because of my personality and habits. I’m the type of person who talks to people but prefer to stay at home at the end of the day.

That being said, I certainly cannot blame anyone if I’m feeling very alone on a Saturday evening. It’s just that solitude does a lot of weird things to people. Like make them feel alone and powerless.

The funny part is, I’ve been living this sort of lifestyle for the past year already. The only time I’m not alone is when I’m at school or with my boyfriend. Whenever I’m back in my room, I pretty much spend the hours by myself. Cook, eat, watch TV, and surf the Internet by myself. I study and cram and cuss by myself. When I’m busy I don’t notice my sheer solitude. At times like these, however, I do. And it’s painfully tangible.

The best I can do is move.

I was browsing through my sister’s old blogs, which led me to this one.

Now, I’ve tried blogging with almost all popular hosts out there. I started with Blogger, then Friendster, then LiveJournal, then Vox, then WordPress, then back to Blogger, then Multiply. Needless to say, none of them lasted longer than a few posts.

However, seeing this one again inspired a new wave of expression within me, so I guess I’ll be trying again. Hopefully, I can maintain this one longer and more steadily.

I’ve always wanted to express myself, but the words evaporate once I log in. It’s so strange.

Since I’m starting anew, I’d might as well reintroduce myself and the life I’m living now.

My name is Jean. I’m a Filipino-Chinese and born second of five sisters.

In addition to my full-blood sisters, I also have one half-sister and two stepsisters who are good and lovable girls.

My father lives with all my sisters in the province, which I still consider my home, while my mother currently resides in the little city between Seattle and Tacoma, quaintly named Seatac.

I’m happy to tell you, of course, that though the circumstances around my family is unusual, the relationships we have with one another are healthy and with lots of love.

I currently reside in Metro Manila and study at the University of the Philippines under the degree program B.S. Industrial Engineering. I’m currently in my fourth of five years of study, hence I hope to graduate in 2012.

I’m not very sociable, and I don’t quite have what people call a night life. Nonetheless, I still keep in touch with my high school friends and enjoy the company of my college friends when I am at school.

Currently, my priority is my studies, though I am a member of two school organizations – one being the Industrial Engineering Club, and the other, the Career Assistance Program for Engineering Students.

In my free time, I surf the Internet, read books, and sleep. A college student can never have too much sleep. :)

I’ll try to write as much as I can, and as candidly as I can. My goal is to maintain a blog that can be a worthwhile for other people, but for myself years and years hence as well.

Let’s see when the next post is coming up. :)

Since arriving from Canada, she had fixed various stuff here at home that have been damaged by the months of heavy rain have inflicted upon this old house. Ceiling lights that have ceased to light. Wall sockets that have ceased to work. Leaky ceilings. Ceilings that threatened to crash down on you in the dead of the night.

I had gotten so used to it that, just last night, I was looking for a functioning socket to plug the desk lamp for light. Plug it anywhere, Mom said, I’ve fixed them. Then she said, Why do you bother with the lamp? Just switch the light on. I was so pleasantly surprised. I had forgotten how things were originally that way.

So anyway, Mom bought a cylindrical plastic container of mocha blanch paint. When we took the lid off it was a creamy shade of pink. Like some light strawberry cream. Good enough to eat. When Mom mixed it, some paint the shade of condensed milk surfaced, and for a moment, the paint had been a swirling strawberry-and-cream concoction. When she poured it over that base where the roller brush rested, it had the consistency of pancake batter.

The resulting shade on the wall is a pale peach so far. Eliza and Jenna wanted to paint the wall too, but Mom didn’t let them. She feared that they might ruin the wall. “I wanna be a paint-waller!” Eliza moaned. “Wall-painter,” I corrected her. “Oh,” she said. “I want to be a wall-painter!”I felt that if I were in charge, I’d letthem paint to their hearts’ content on the lower part of the wall. And let them see their handiwork, and learn something about painting firsthand. How does that sound?

It kinda makes me wanna paint my room back at Kalai. Paint it which color? Light blue? Light pink? Lemon? Should I do the painting? Do I have money to buy paint?

So there. It’s a nice, rainy day today. Eliza had been watching me as I typed this. She did the title.

So, Mom and Mama Lud are back from Canada. Well, for two weeks now. But I didn’t go home last weekend, so I’m seeing them again only now.

The first semester’s drawing to a close. When I’ve come back to UP on Monday, I’d probably have only one or two more classes remaining before it’s gonna be over. I’m can’t wait to get my class cards and see my grades. I know I haven’t done exceptionally well this semester, but there’s always this excuse of me still just adjusting to college, hence I won’t be able to do that well. But that’s not an excuse. I should have a gross weighted average of 2.0 or better if I want to shift into another college. That’s grade-consciousness and pressure for you.

I’m hoping to take SEA 30 (Southeast Asian Emporiums) with Noel next semester. I also enlisted for Math 17 (college algebra and plane trigonometry?), a staple math subject in many courses that has a high mortality rate, and a prerequisite for a chain of other bloody subjects: Chem 16, Bio 11, Math 53 series… But I’m excited about it. I did well in math back in high school, and I didn’t have any math subject this semester.

When the semeser starts anew, I’d be dying to be better.

My name is Jean, but I call myself Chry here in WordPress (and on other online domains), though that does not mean I don’t use other names. Chry is actually a play on my second name, Christine, done by a friend back in high school.

I’m a Filipina with a bit of Chinese blood. I reside in the Philippines.

I’m currently a college freshman in the University of the Philippines, taking up Education. I plan to shift next year, to a course which I still don’t know. All I know is I uh.. think I no longer want to be a teacher. ~_~

Erm, what else? I’ve gone through Friendster, Blogger, and Vox, yet I am still unsuccessful in actively maintaining a blog, because I cannot find the time and energy to further personalize these blogs as I please, and because my ideas evaporate once I log in to my accounts.

Well, I’ll give WordPress a shot.